Wednesday, December 31, 2008

The Pig That Fell


It's no secret that I was once a "baby bunhead". For those unfamiliar with the term, that is a slightly pejorative expression used to refer to students of the School of American Ballet, or SAB, in New York City. We all had the same look...hair sleeked back into a bun, or worn long and straight when outside of class. Giant canvas or leather dance bag hanging off one shoulder. And the dancer gait - a slight glide and bounce, with the toes pointed outward. We infiltrated the Lincoln Center area like a strange alien race - similar to humans, yet with qualities more befitting thoroughbred horses or exotic birds. Trained to be the elite, we wore the bunhead badge proudly.

Every student at SAB had the same dream - to be invited to join New York City Ballet. George Balanchine was a genius choreographer, and we felt the calling, almost from birth, to dance his ballets. When "Mr. B." elected to choreograph a ballet for a special performance at Juilliard, using my class, it was a thrill and an honor. Working with the man for a few short weeks, I knew I wanted to do nothing but dance in his ballets. He would look you up and down, take your hand, and come up with steps that fit your body and ability, and the music, perfectly and exquisitely. Oh, I was in heaven.

That winter, I was one of about 25 SAB students invited to dance onstage with the company itself - in Balanchine's signature piece, Don Quixote. Me, onstage at the New York State Theater. The dream was beginning. In quintessential Mr. B. style, a sense of humor was involved. His initiation for the junior people was to cast us as "pigs" and "penitents". I was cast as both. The costume was essentially the same for both - a massive black robe. However, for the pig scene, we each donned a giant plastic pig head, with eyeholes. The entire part consisted of a huge mass of pigs, male and female, prancing across from stage left to stage right, sideways, while facing forward into the audience.

Night after night, the scene got huge chuckles from the usually staid audience. However, on the fifth night of performances, something altogether different transpired.

We pigs huddled in the wings, awaiting our musical cue. 4-3-2-1 and we're off. Prance, prance, prance, prance...wow, I'm center stage! My right foot hits something next to me, and suddenly, I am FLYING through the air sideways. And, THUD. I land on my right hip. Fortunately, the pig head stayed on. The audience was screaming with hysteria. I managed to gingerly finish prancing to the other side of the stage and finally, I was in the wings again.

Whispers were everywhere. "Which pig fell?" "I think it was TWO pigs". "Oh, my, who were they?" "Did Mr. B see?" "Mr. B sees EVERYTHING!".

I removed my pig head and skulked quietly to the dressing room, whispering with everyone else. Nobody knew...my secret was safe!

A couple of days later, the contusion on my hip was rather black and blue, but people seemed to forget. If someone asked, I just said that I slipped on the ice, of which there was plenty that winter.

I held onto that secret for almost ten years before I told anybody! Yes, Virginia, I was THE PIG THAT FELL.

I never did join New York City Ballet. I left the school that spring to join Pacific Northwest Ballet (which had a Balanchine repertoire), and later the Eliot Feld Ballet, until an injury cut my career short at 19. But I will never forget my City Ballet debut.

And now, perhaps, you won't either.

Tuesday, December 30, 2008

My Little Pony



My bird, Snowy a/k/a "Pony" passed away quietly in my hands last night. I will miss him terribly, he was the sweetest, most gentle soul on the planet. He carved this heart shape out of the box just for me!!

Sunday, December 28, 2008

Anxiety Girl

I am consumed with anxiety today. Over going back to work. Over the state of my bank account. Over the state of my prospects for improving my bank account. Over my two ailing cockatiels. Over the pounds I have gained over the holidays. Over it being Al's birthday and his not really enjoying anything.

I watched "A Walk to Remember" this morning and cried my eyes out. Heck, I almost cried during the end of "Clueless". I'd probably cry over "Austin Powers", given the opportunity. What a mess.

I am getting on the treadclimber and working up a serious sweat. That usually seems to help.

You know you love me,
xoxo
anxiety girl

This post will self-destruct in...

A few thoughts on self-destructiveness. I think I've been slowly self-destructing since about Thanksgiving. Not in any really harmful way...just eating too much junk food and sugar, not working out, and spending too much time on Facebook...that sort of thing. I guess that's what the holiday season is about for most people, but it's starting to really bother me, so I guess it is time to nip it in the bud. My taquito craving will have to go unheeded for now.

It's been Al's birthday for 27 minutes....Happy Birthday Aly!!!

Later.

Saturday, December 27, 2008

So I Didn't...

...walk away. I didn't even address it. I chalked it up to my ephemeral nature and called it a day. Besides, people need me, damn it! .

Maria's car was stolen on Christmas Day. Rather, the dude who was staying at her house "borrowed" it. He then disappeared, not to be heard from again. The next call she got was from a lawyer friend of the dude, saying that two girls they knew had been in a SERIOUS accident. Didn't know whether or not it was in Maria's car. What a freakin' nightmare!!!

Tomorrow is Alan's birthday and I am plotting something. We shall see if I can pull it off.

My vacation week is officially over. I have to start thinking about doing reports and so forth - and my brain is still a little mushy from all of the food and relaxation this week. I am hoping that some good workouts will pump me up for my A-game again. Stay tuned...

Heard (briefly) from Boz yesterday, who plans to be in Austin for New Years. Hope we can get some press interested in the Green Man's arrival (I fear that Houston was just too big a market, but Austin, with its more artistic nature, just might be more receptive).

And off we go to save the day....LOL.

Listening to: nothing puts me in a good mood like my Johnny Goo:


Friday, December 26, 2008

I think I'm done...

It's funny, I was always able to end friendships and relationships that weren't working for me. As I get older, it becomes harder to do that, as I realize that some friends are worth holding on to, even if the relationship is not "equal" or "perfect"...in that both parties contribute equally. However, lately, I seem to be attracting very unequal relationships again, and I'm not sure if it is because I have an insecure need to always be giving, or if my thought processes are somehow flawed and I keep manifesting the same relationships over and over. Whatever the reasons, I am a little bit tired of being taken for granted. I am not really sure how to even broach the subject. Lately I am thinking it might be better to simply walk away before I allow myself to feel hurt again. I am, simply, worth more than that.

Listening to: Beyonce - "If I Were a Boy". Watch the video here - it's powerful:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3811N79n_R4

Thursday, December 25, 2008

Christmas Day


This Christmas is so low key, it almost doesn't feel like a holiday. Well, except for the amount of food that I've prepared. Last night was a semi-traditional Italian cold antipasto plate with lots of veggies and fresh mozzarella and really good bread. And the obligatory Silk eggnog...which contained neither eggs nor dairy, so I didn't feel so guilty about adding a bit of alcohol. It was mighty tasty. It may seem like a contradiction in terms that I would use soy eggnog while eating all that rich food, but you pick and choose your battles.

The cats were enjoying just sitting around with us soaking up the lazy vibe. Magic, who loves the rain, must have gone in and out the door 6 times, always to return soaked. He loves to be dried off and fluffed up. So cute. Taylor is gradually becoming our cat, but he's still a bit skittish at times. Still, he's a really well behaved boy.

Al is in pretty good spirits. I'm making the "big" meal today...a giant vat of meat sauce with Ziti. We have three different desserts...Tiramisu, Cannolli and Opera Cake. I am going to need to spend the next three months in the gym.

The photo is of the breakfast I made this morning...complete with a Mango Bellini. Yums.

Wishing you all a fabulous Christmas and New Year...

xoxo

Sunday, December 21, 2008

It's Been Awhile...

Since it's even occurred to me to post on this blog. To quote one of my favorite songs written by John Rzeznik - "The world gets in the way". I've allowed the world to get in the way for quite a few months, now.

What's been going on the last few months? Various emotional upheavals. Financial stress. Losing clients, signing clients. Finding alternative streams of income. Too many details to list right now - but suffice it to say it's been busy. Some highlights -

:: My song "Love is a State of Mind" was just licensed by a producer, info to follow.

:: I performed at open mic night at Eddie's Attic and I didn't completely freak out.

:: Went to the opening night gala of Atlanta Ballet's "The Nutcracker" with James, John and Brenda. A fabulous night, although freezing.

:: Wrote two of the best songs I think I've ever written.

:: Helped Boz get his "Bicycle Across America" trip launched, and he's already in Louisiana. My relentless PR landed him on the Baton Rouge evening news:
http://www.nbc33tv.com/home/video/36407994.html

:: Have my first paid vacation in 8 years to look forward to this week!

So, I guess it's been eventful, and I am practicing gratitude for all of those experiences.

More later.