Confessions of a Former Diva

New Lyrics - "Just Fine"

2009-04-12T09:01:00.002-04:00

Woke up with these in my head. Funny:

JUST FINE

I'll be your ballerina, rockstar, MBA, let's play
Songwriter, finance girl, publicist, take a whirl
Receptionist, secretary, VP quite contrary
Anything you want to be - just come along with me

This is your life
This is your time
La la la la la la
Everything will be just fine

I'll be your Taurus, Virgo, Gemini
Which one is my alibi?
TImes Square, Red Square, Trafalgar Square
I'm there
Jesus, Buddha, L. Ron, which one makes you sing your song?
Anything you want to be - come enjoy the ride with me

This is your life
This is your time
La la la la la la
Everything will be just fine

BRIDGE
I don't want to see you giving up the fight
But I don't want to be you, 'cause being me is alright...

I've been broke and I've been rich
Sometimes in the same week stretch
Feel just like a billionaire
Even when the checks ain't there
I know I'm a princess, but I don't deserve less
And if you think I'm crazy, just repeat this after me:

This is your life
This is your time
La la la la la la
Everything will be just fine

Friday Night at the Atlanta Ballet...

2009-03-27T18:51:00.005-04:00

Friday night's triple bill at Cobb Energy Centre was nothing less than spectacular. The Atlanta Ballet is rapidly becoming one of my all-time favorite ballet companies, and I have seen many in my day. Several dancers have emerged as favorites, but all are more than capable of dancing leading roles, and there is no "star system" in this company.

Sinfonietta Giocosa was a Balanchine-esque piece choreographed by Christopher Hampson. Vaguely reminiscent of my favorite ballet of all time, Concerto Barocco, the simple costumes, the stark set (an empty stage with a simple lighting change between movements) and bold, athletic choreography, created a contemporary classic visual treat. Standouts in the piece were the ever-effervescent Kristine Necessary, the magnificent Christian Clark; a delightful duet with resident blonde beauties Anne Tyler Harshbarger and Christine Winkler; a strong male cast featuring David Blumenfeld, Jacob Bush, Brian Wallenberg and John Welker; and a pas de trois featuring newcomer Alessa Rogers. Jonah Hooper continues to impress me after his amazing turn as Dracula. And, always outstanding were Tara Lee, Courtney Necessary, Taylor Gill, rounding out the female cast.

"The Firebird" is The John McFall-choreographed vehicle created for Christine Winkler and John Welker. The powerful Stravinsky score creates the perfect backdrop for this delicious abstract piece.

I understand that dancer-choreographer Darrell Grand Moultrie visited the company for just three weeks, on loan from his Broadway run in Billy Elliot. In that short time, he created "Boiling Point", my favorite piece of the evening. While every piece in this program was demanding on the dancers, this was even more so. Athletic, dynamic, powerful, acrobatic, and aggressive are all adjectives that describe the dancing in this piece. Christian Clark's backbend-to-the-floor motion, as fluid as water, was sheer brilliance. The teeny-tiny Peng-Yu Chen was like a bullet shot from a gun, and the gorgeous Kelly Tipton carries herself like ballet royalty, while executing rapidfire moves that dazzled the audience.

Go and see The Atlanta Ballet if you have the chance. I am very much looking forward to Don Quixote and Snow White, in May.

My Next Decade Punch List

2009-03-24T13:56:00.002-04:00

As I approach a milestone birthday, thoughts turn to what I accomplished during the last decade, and what I hope to accomplish in the next. Herewith, my punch lists for both.

1999-2009: This was a decade of many ups and downs. The highs were exhilarating, and the lows were devastating. However, I must give proper respect to those events, happenings and accomplishments that marked this extraordinary decade.

:: While the financial highs in no way matched those of the previous decade, there were still some very rich times.

:: I learned to drive, got my license, and other than highways, I pretty much go anywhere, any time.

:: Despite all evidence to the contrary, I have kept my own company afloat for 10 years.

:: Despite all indications to the contrary, I stayed in the same apartment for 10 years.

:: I have kept my word to provide Alan the best care I can and to continually help him to try to get well.

:: I have conquered many fears and accomplished business challenges I never thought I could handle.

:: I have very little debt, and have brought back into control the little that I do have.

:: I have made great strides in patience, tolerance and positivity.

IN THE NEXT DECADE - 2009-2019 I plan to:

:: Achieve a higher spiritual state

:: Achieve my financial "comfort" zone

:: Achieve my happiness zone

:: Overcome fear of driving highways

:: Learn to windsurf, jet ski and possibly buy a small sailcraft.

:: Spend more time in Siesta Key.

:: Get and stay in my best shape ever.

I am sure these will be added to, modified and edited as time goes on, but its a starting point. Excelsior!

Lyrics

2009-03-06T13:35:00.002-05:00

These lyrics just popped into my head while I was working out.

I don't need you here to be near you
Because my heart is in your hand
And I don't need the proof to believe you
Because you always take a stand
and I don't need a picture to remember
Because it's tattooed in my mind
And we don't need to ever be together
Because everything is one in the face of space and time

Random. The first line was something someone said to me recently, and it stuck. He was referring to the fact that although distance and even death separates people, as long as you hold their memory in your heart, they are with you. It's an old cliche, but I wanted to put a little metaphysical spin on it. Now the challenge will be to see if I can turn it into an entire song. Co-writers are welcome.

xo

Walking Your Talk

2009-03-03T10:03:00.005-05:00

It has seriously dawned on me lately how few people actually DO walk their own talk. I guess that is our flaw as humans - our ideals are greater than our frail wills can handle.

I remember meeting "J", the (then) new wife of a colleague, back when I worked at a venture fund. She was perfect, tall, blonde and gorgeous - smart and well-educated, with a fabulous career leading nature adventure expeditions. She talked of holistic lifestyles and championed regular meditation, whole and raw organic foods, aromatherapy and massage. I admired her sense of adventure and fearlessness of all things outdoors and health-conscious. So, when I saw her dragging away on a cigarette behind the building, the image was clearly compromised. What else about this seemingly perfect individual wasn't what she talked herself up to be? We've all seen it...the "vegetarian" pigging out on the occasional cheeseburger, the "environmentalist" chucking a plastic bottle in with the regular trash...you know the drill.

There is probably no need to mention (but I will anyway) the countless religious "leaders" who have fallen from grace, the Catholic priests, the televangelists, the archbishops, and the tent revivalists. Yet, people are always willing to forgive and forget, and they eagerly welcome a new face with the same message.

Is it their conviction alone that inspires? I am not sure. It seems as if those with the most conviction also fall the farthest.

Still, I believe we need our convictions to keep us on a "path". We will all surely fall from the path and fall short of our own, and others' expectations. But I would rather live a principled, albeit highly imperfect life, than a life with no principle at all. I try to walk my talk, but I don't beat myself up too hard if I occasionally screw it up. Perhaps that makes me a hypocrite, but I prefer to think it just makes me human.

yoga with james spader, embracing the ridiculous, raising cash

2009-02-28T19:56:00.002-05:00

:: i dreamt last night that i was doing acro-yoga with james spader. it wasn't overtly sexual, but it was mildly erotic. spader is not an actor i give much thought to, so i am truly wondering what my subconscious was up to with this dream. ideas are welcome.

:: i am doing lots of things to raise cash for the move. i am selling a department store gift card with a face value of $250, at a discount. interested parties, please contact me! paypal only. i am also selling guided meditations/hypnosis MP3s (custom made) for $35 each. available meditiations: better sleep, weight loss, quitting smoking, abundance, confidence, attracting healthy relationships, etc. a website will be up within the next day or so.

:: i am much happier when i have few expectations and simply embrace the ridiculousness of life. accepting everything as random and nonsensical is easier than trying to make sense of the chaos. for now, that's my story and i'm sticking to it.

peace,
torch

Exhaustion

2009-02-27T17:37:00.002-05:00

This week has been probably the most stressful I have endured in a long time. Most of it revolved around Alan's medications and trying to reach his pain doctor, a LONG trip down to Peachtree city on Tuesday, bungled meeting plans with other people, playing taxi (which isn't of itself stressful, in fact I quite enjoy the company, but it's just another time schedule to be met), and arguing with pharmacies and insurance. Plus, all the attendant stress of end of month and reports and monies due. Which is stressful enough all by itself.

So, here I sit on Friday night, contemplating a glass of Pinot Noir, and getting ready to close up the computer for the night. Sounds like a plan.

Have a great Friday night, everyone!

xoxo
songstress

The Move

2009-02-23T16:26:00.002-05:00

It's looking like it is going to happen! A move to a three-bedroom, fully renovated unit in the Glen Lake complex. Saw the model, it's to die for. All new appliances, fixtures, washer and dryer included, etc. The whole deal should save us somewhere around $250 per month. The $ savings are sorely needed. The best part of the entire thing is that we will have a spare bedroom in which to accommodate guests! No more hotels for our out-of-town friends. And...it's a great party place as well, due to the layout and location of the terrace. We might have one more great summer ahead of us!! I'm already thinking of decor and what I want to do with the place. The only bad thing right now is I really don't want to keep any of my furniture...I will likely have to slipcover the couch and use it temporarily. But we just need SO much stuff! Ah well. All in good time.

Lalalalalala. April first, baby!

Saturday Fun

2009-02-21T16:52:00.002-05:00

This has been quite a fun day of getting things done. Delivered 2 Avon orders. Recruited 2 new reps. Got my car's emissions inspection done. Paid my new tag fee ($90.00 - UGH). Started cleaning, but now I have to run out to get Alan some prescriptions and medical stuff.

All in a Saturday's work, LOL. No rest for the weary. I could actually take a nap right now, but no such luck (long, deep sigh).

I have no idea what I'm going to concoct for dinner tonight, either. Might have to watch some Food Network to get inspired.

Ciao for now,
~L~

Good Stuff

2009-02-20T10:28:00.003-05:00

More stream-of-consciousness:

Mega thanks to Holly for writing an article about my PR services for designers - very exciting! Also, congrats to her on her private art exhibition in Charlottesville. Awesome news.

I may be moving! I'm not sure how all of the pieces are going to fit together, but, as has always been the case in my life, when something is meant to be, everything manages to fall into place. Stay tuned.

I am no longer angry, but it was good to air my feelings.

I have a certain degree of anxiety right now - about things in general. I am working on it.

Yoga was extremely difficult this morning, but rewarding. Savasana never felt so good.

I am thinking about lunch.

In general, I am pretty happy.

Time to get back to work!!!

xo
torch

The Rage of The Torch

2009-02-18T13:41:00.007-05:00

I don't fly into rages very often. I am like my Dad, in that we are generally peacekeepers, non-confrontational souls who live and let live. That is, until we are really crossed. And then it's "watch out, because the hurricane has arrived".

I had one such instance yesterday. I am not proud of my anger, rather, it embarrasses me that I can be provoked in such a way. On the surface, it was a silly thing that sparked the fire. But the intent behind it carried hurt and the kind of mocking scorn that can make me lose it completely. And, it did.

Bottom line...I can be an awesome friend to the people I care about. I would totally want me as a friend. But, I am kind of a high maintenance friend - not in that you need to do things for me, or give me presents or take me nice places, or listen to me whine for hours on end. BUT, I require a few things. Respect, kind words, appreciation, attention. Once in awhile, act concerned about how MY day is going. Ask how I'm feeling. Give me a hug. Tell me you like something I did. Make a comment on something I've written (or, even, just READ something I've written). Call me or email me just to say hello, or for something more than to ask me for favors or to pick my brain. It's really not that much to ask. But, if you're either unwilling or unable to do any of the above, let me know now, because I just don't have the time or energy to invest anymore. I get bruised easily, and life is too short to feel that way.

Afterparty

2009-02-16T18:16:00.002-05:00

Usually, the term "afterparty" conjures visions of rock n' roll excess followed by sordid tales of swinging from chandeliers, free-flowing Taittinger and white powder-filled bathtubs. The afterparty I attended on Friday night was slightly less debaucherous, but in my view, no less fun and exciting.

"Drinks with Dracula" followed the Atlanta Ballet's brilliant production of "Dracula", and consisted of a meet and greet with the dancers as well as freely-flowing libations and incredible edibles.

The dancers who seemed larger-than-life onstage were gracious and humble off. I already have my favorites after seeing just two performances, and they include Kristine Necessary - a joyful, lyrical dancer with boundless energy and a great smile; Christian Clark - a simply beautiful young man with elevation rivaling a young Baryshnikov; Tara Lee - an exquisite technician who creates a total character; Jonah Hooper, whose "Dracula" was otherworldly as he slithered across the floor and down the scaffolding and seemed about ten feet tall onstage; and Kelly Tipton, a stunning young woman who reminded me of the Balanchine ballerinas of my day. While the event was, in essence, a "suck up to the patrons" type of fete, not one of the dancers in attendance acted like it was a chore to be there.

It was also a treat to meet John McFall, the artistic director of the company, and Sharon Story, ballet mistress (who I swear I have crossed paths with in a former life).

I am ever grateful to my friend James for allowing me to accompany him to this wonderful evening!

Random Thoughts 101

2009-02-13T13:42:00.004-05:00

I may need a 12 step program to get off NyQuil. But I am sleeping SO well!

I am happy to be seeing Atlanta Ballet's "Dracula" tonight.

Friday the 13th is always lucky for me.

I am happy it is a 3-day weekend, even though I will be working throughout.

I love this warm, sunny weather we've been having. It's soothing my soul.

I think I want one of these renovated apartments! They are gorgeous.

I am still sad over Tiny's passing. She was my little sweetheart.

I want to know why there were 6 police cars here last night.

I am missing a few people in my life, even though they drive me nuts most of the time.

I miss the beach...I need some Florida right now.

I want to learn to windsurf.

I need to step up my workouts.

People, by turns, fascinate, infuriate, exasperate, and inspire me.

I love life too much to leave just yet.

I just want enough money so I never have to worry about it and enough left over to help people.

I will be the BEST rich person in the world. ;-)

I want to learn Spanish and Italian.

I will have my dream car within a year.

I feel the urge to dance.

Songs are my freedom.

I'm designing the perfect life for me.

I love you.

More Smellin' Good Stuff

2009-02-09T23:25:00.006-05:00

Courteney Cox is the face of Avon's newest fragrance for women, Spotlight, which is due to launch in April. According to Courteney...

"...all women are in the spotlight in their own unique ways and this fragrance highlights the excitement and the exhilaration of that feeling."

Spotlight was developed by perfumer Jean-Marc Chaillan:

"The top notes of the Fresh Oriental scent were inspired by the feeling of excitement before a big moment. An icy silver accord meets illuminating citrus with sun-ripened fresh mandarin pur and Italian bergamot essence, extracted via cold press from the peel of the fruit. At the heart of Spotlight are deluxe naturals only available from IFF's exclusive Laboratoire Monique Remy, a state-of-the-art laboratory and manufacturing facility in France. This luminous floral heart combines pristine hydroponic white freesia, which is nurtured in a purely aqueous environment void of any impurities, rich tuberose absolute, and mimosa pur to capture the essence of confidence and radiance as you step into the spotlight. The base notes include sexy undertones of creamy cashmere sandalwood and precious vetiver with a kiss of white vanilla musk that leaves a lasting impression."

Avon Spotlight will be available in 50 ml Eau de Toilette, in a quilted glass bottle, retailing for $22.50.

I have a tester and can get samples before the actual catalog release - this is a heavenly scent! I can likely get a volume discount if there is enough interest, so hit me up.

Kryptonite in my Coffee

2009-02-08T17:09:00.004-05:00

I guess it's flattering that Al called me "Superwoman" today. And, yes, sometimes I feel like I must be (as are most women) with all the stuff I juggle on a daily basis. But I have to say that in the past few weeks, someone has seriously put some Kryptonite in my morning beverage. A cold turned into bronchitis, turned into severe asthma, turned into a sinus infection. I have, by turns, completely lost my sense of smell and now my hearing. But, this, too shall pass. And, if it doesn't, I will learn to sign and read lips.

Peace out.

Falling Into Place

2009-02-05T18:21:00.003-05:00

The pieces are beginning to fall into place again. Maybe there is something to this Mercury Retrograde thing, after all. The medications arrived for Al today. People have begun to call back. I'm oddly optimistic, despite the gloom and doom all around me. Probably the only real problem is that the opportunistic sinus affliction has now invaded my ears, and I am practically deaf. Just lovely. And, I am still way more tired than I should be.

My friend Mary Jo sent around an email that was full of funny things uttered from the mouths of little kids. The best one had Mom and I hysterical all afternoon.

Little Susie sat in rapt attention in church, as the preacher said "Without the Lord, we are but dust". At which point, Susie exclaimed loudly, "Mommy, what the heck is BUTT DUST?"

You know, sometimes ya just feel like so much Butt Dust.

Heeeeeee.

Mercurial Madness

2009-02-03T12:19:00.006-05:00

OK, so Mercury is out of retrograde and has gone direct as of 2/1, so why hasn't the craziness stopped? Can't really say. I am very happy to be feeling better (although, seriously, I still get winded walking up the stairs, which is SO not me), and the cash flow situation is currently in the black, although still meager. However, I spent three hours in the car last night in search of one of Alan's medications, and another three early this morning -- to no avail. So, the jinx hasn't completely faded from my portfolio. I am grateful, though, for what I do have, and have begun expressing sincere gratitude in whatever way possible to those who have truly made a difference to me.

Newsflash, haha. I am such a naive girl when it comes to people. It still comes as a shock when people blatantly lie, to and about me, and I'm not sure I will ever get over that. And, it's still a bit of a shock when people whom you have gone out of your way for simply don't care. I emerge a little smarter, a little wiser, a little harder each time. But I will never be jaded, thank the Universe. I continue to look at the world through a child's eyes with all of the same wonder and naivete, and I don't really think that's a bad thing.

NDEs and OBEs

2009-02-01T12:24:00.002-05:00

How does a head cold become a near-death experience? These and many other questions will no doubt be answered in the coming weeks. I am grateful to be here right now, and will never again ignore the warnings of my body. Although I will say, it was extremely cool to be out-of-body and would like to truly learn how to do it, safely and constructively, more often~~~~

Hierarchy of Needs

2009-01-29T12:40:00.002-05:00

It's amazing how your whole thought process changes when you don't feel well. For instance, with this dreadful cold and cough, the only thing on my mind is relief. Halls, Vicks and Kleenex are the deities at whose altar I pray today. Of course, the fact that my electricity will not be turned off (because I finally DID get paid), is a side bonus.

Attention Fellow Bloggers

2009-01-27T16:14:00.002-05:00

Fellow bloggers - If you're looking for a cool way to help support your blog or website, do what I did and visit iHype.com -- where expressing your opinion on a huge variety of topics can be lucrative and fun!

Peace out -

~LT~

Favorite Things Part Trois

2009-01-27T16:06:00.004-05:00

Favorite things at the moment:

Dooney & Bourke "It" Handbag

Copamarina Beach Resort, Guanica, Puerto Rico

Super-Fabulous Donna Karan Silk Cashmere Cozy

Deseo Fragrance by Jennifer Lopez

Ginger tea and sympathy

2009-01-25T12:13:00.003-05:00

I have a ridiculous, stupid cold. And I know it's because my immune system is compromised from all the stress! I've done a great job of trying to maintain a sense of humor about it all, but I guess an opportunistic bug still found its way into this vulnerable host. Well, bug, you are NOT welcome here. I will not make you cozy and comfortable, no way.

I've just grated some fresh ginger into a paste, and from that I will make some hot, sweet ginger tea. Good for evicting unwanted tenants and boosting the immunities.

Later.

~L~

Another Shade of Grey

2009-01-24T15:22:00.002-05:00

Here we are again, it's the same old scene
We've played it out so many times before
You would think by now
That we would have it down
But I can't ever seem to find the door

Oh the lines are well-rehearsed
And yet we are
The victims of our destiny
If there were a way
To change these roles we play
That somehow have become you and me

The watercolor sunsets seem much too far away
And everything I touch becomes another shade of grey
When it all comes down and you can't face another day
Can we say goodbye, and blame it on another
Another shade of grey

You may think the answers are very clear
But mine are wrapped in mist and gloom
My head says go, but my heart says no
And there's no way to leave this empty room

Oh you say you've taken all that you can now
And there's no more for you to give
Can't we try again
For the happy end
The times are changin', let's begin to live

The watercolor sunsets seem much too far away
And everything I touch becomes another shade of grey
When it all comes down and you can't face another day
Can we say goodbye, and blame it on another
Another shade of grey

You Don't Have Me

2009-01-24T15:15:00.002-05:00

You're a book with a pretty cover
I'm reading between your lines
To find your story vague and simple
Insincere apologies
May never mean a thing

You take me out to a black tie party
Where pretty people meet and tell all their
Sweet lies - to each other
Take them out of my life dear
And don't come back, you

Always know the style
Always think you see
Well you think you have it all, but you don't have me
You think you see the answers
You think you are so free
Well you think you have the world
But you don't have me
No no no

Feelin' like I missed something
Watching all your photographs in my dreams
Face distorted, marble features, looking plastic
Never mean a thing

Well I was never a paper doll
Cut out cardboard in the mirror
So Strange
All around and upside down
Just take them all and go now, go now

You always know the style
Always think you see
Well you think you have it all, but you don't have me
You think you see the answers
You think you are so free
Well you think you have the world
But you don't have me
No no no

Over You

2009-01-24T15:10:00.002-05:00

December rain, it tingles my skin
Feels just like this mood I've been in
Don't know lately if I'm coming or going
Sometimes thinkin' that I've lost my head
Might be better if I bailed, instead
But for the moment, I guess I'll be stayin'

Would you tell me if I asked you
What you think about at night?

I'm watchin' you sleep
Keeping your secrets safe and locked up tight
While I pretend it's not true
That I'm not spinning in circles, crazy
Over you.

Guess you're thinkin' I'm the girl who fell
Head over heels, well I'll never tell
This is something far to strange to imagine
Not the chick who's gonna be your fool
Always the one who had to play it cool
You can probably guess why I'm a little bit shaken

Would it scare you if I told you
What I think about at night?

I'm watchin' you sleep
Keeping your secrets safe and locked up tight
While I pretend it's not true
That I'm not spinning in circles, crazy
Over you.

Something New

2009-01-24T15:03:00.003-05:00

Hey baby, that's all you said
And just like that your words got stuck in my head
Across the water, nights in June
Bet you didn't think you'd be a song so soon
Something not quite real about this
Maybe I dreamed it
But now I doubt this
Game was good
And every card played exactly like it should
But when I saw that moonlight shining on you
Was it me you wanted,
Or just something new?

After midnight
Wine and guitars
Talked and sang about life and the stars
Funny thing, around you
I kept breakin' things
Glass, fences, hearts and what the new day brings is

Something not quite sane about this
Maybe I'm crazy
Why do I doubt this
Game was good
And every song played exactly like it should
But when I saw that moonlight shining on you
Was it me you wanted, or just something new?

When worlds like ours collide
There's no choice but to enjoy the ride....

This game was good
And every card played exactly like it should
But when I saw that moonlight shining on you
Was it me you wanted, or just something new?

Sweet Contradiction

2009-01-22T13:00:00.002-05:00

is there comfort in your chaos?
does beauty lurk in a bad dream
is this real, or just imagined, 'cause you know
i'm not exactly how i seem

got on that train and rode it all the way down

was it you, was it me? was it anything that you or i could see
or just a sweet contradiction?
were you there? was i not?
will you watch me fall apart?
can't see the forest through the trees
beautifully shattered
sweet contradiction

is there sadness in a daydream
is there magic in a fight
does freedom ever make you wonder if you really got it right?

jumped off that cliff, i'm laughing all the way down

was it you, was it me? was it anything that you or i could see
or just a sweet contradiction?
were you there? was i not?
will you watch me fall apart?
can't see the forest through the trees
beautifully shattered
sweet contradiction

looked in the mirror and i turned right around
got in my car and drove it straight out of town

was it you, was it me? was it anything that you or i could see
or just a sweet contradiction?
were you there? was i not?
will you watch me fall apart?
can't see the forest through the trees
beautifully shattered
sweet contradiction

Sorry Now

2009-01-22T12:55:00.002-05:00

Been around this crazy world
and the things I've seen could fill a million books
about our strange humanity

But every time I try to find the words to sing, a place to fly
I can't, because we're never truly free

Things have changed and so have I
I can't scream and I can't cry
Still I know it all comes down to this...

Can't keep us down
'cause it's gonna come back and
Life will turn around
Karma gonna kick your ass and
I tried to be the clown, but the laughs have faded and
Guess who's sorry now

Used to have a notion that your love was like the ocean
And its endless nature never would run dry
But for every hour that I felt alone, I felt your power
Now, I only feel a little high

Things are not the same this time
Waste the night in talk and wine
Still I know it all comes down to this...

Can't keep us down
'cause it's gonna come back and
Life will turn around
Karma gonna kick your ass and
I tried to be the clown, but the laughs have faded and
Guess who's sorry now
Do you think I'm sorry now?

Not sorry now ~

Remember You

2009-01-22T12:50:00.000-05:00

Shake me, gently from your tree
Make me, blind so I can see you clearly
Time is a circle, I could lose control
A lifetime that's taken its toll

There was a place we used to hide
Save us from the demons and the fears inside us
Prophets and angels, I've tried to befriend
But some things I don't understand ~

I remember walking in the sand
I remember how you held my hand
I remember everything you do
I remember you

I'm not the kind to fear much pain
Say what you mean, and I will always try to
Shelter you, rescue you out of the cold
So we're not afraid to grow old

I remember walking in the sand
I remember how you held my hand
I remember everything you do
I remember you

I remember playing in the sun
You could put a smile on anyone
I remember everything, that's true
I remember you

Shake me~ gently from your tree

Realizations

2009-01-20T18:53:00.003-05:00

It hurts when you realize that you may not be quite as unforgettable as you thought you were...just a distant memory, destined to fade to grey. It's hard to understand when someone is so able to move on, that you might as well never have existed in the first place. It's easy to delude oneself into believing otherwise, but the reality is, you're quite possibly not that special.

I hate these realizations.

But then I re-approach from a position of strength. I realize that I have too much to offer to give my power away with self-defeating inner monologue. That I don't really care if some people forget me, because others will never do so. And I take back that which is mine...my cool, my wit, and my energy...there to offer back out to the universe with loving arms.

These realizations are the ones that stick, the ones that conquer, and the ones that will prevail...at least in this mind.

Peace.

On The Bert Show Today

2009-01-19T09:55:00.004-05:00

I love the Bert Show, and finally they have acknowledged Sugarland (well, Jennifer, at least) as the superstars they are!!! This interview is a must-listen.

This from Q100atlanta.com today:

Jennifer Nettles On The Bert Show!

Sugarland's Jennifer Nettles took time out of her busy schedule to talk to The Bert Show. She performed Sunday for the 'We Are One' Inauguration Celebration in Washington D.C. with James Taylor and John Legend. But before she did that she got Jeff's parents in trouble with Jeff! Listen below to hear what happened.

Listen to Jennifer Nettles part 1

Listen to Jennifer Nettles part 2

(Source: www.q100atlanta.com)

Truckloads of trash...

2009-01-17T19:31:00.004-05:00

are what I am schlepping to the dumpster tonight. This is going to be an ongoing process until "the big move", which still has an uncertain date and destination, but WILL happen, likely this year. Until that magical date, however, the truckloads continue.

At least I am getting my exercise.

Til tomorrow,
LT out.

Hudson Miracle, Arctic Chill, Cat Madness, and other tales

2009-01-16T18:14:00.002-05:00

Watching the commentary and footage this morning about US Airways Flight 1549, I was overwhelmed and choked up. Nothing short of a real-life miracle, this was the kind of feel good story America (and the world) needed at this very pivotal time in history. Several days in advance of a historic presidential inauguration....in the heart of the worst economic crisis since the great depression...with severe weather that is uncharacteristic of all the geographic areas it's affecting...I could go on and on. Yes, I think it was some sort of a sign. Divine intervention? Perhaps. I am sure every one of those passengers and their friends and families are thanking their own version of God or a higher power today.

And the weather - it's just too cold. I can handle 40s. Even 30s - hovering around freezing. But 1s and 2s...no Everything hurts. I feel my age. I limp. It's no fun.

My cats are just going mad from being cooped up, too. Magic's eyes turn to black moons and he attacks me for sport. Taylor paces back and forth like a caged lion. They are not at all pleased, and somehow it is all my fault.

Ah well. A little discomfort is good for the soul's development. Along with things like filing and scrubbing floors.

How much development does my soul NEED, anyway?

Don't answer that.

xoxo
~lis~

White Horse

2009-01-15T21:59:00.004-05:00

I've loved this song since the first time I heard it on "Grey's Anatomy". I was surprised to learn at the time that it was Taylor Swift, but I should have known. It's probably the best song suited for her voice that she's done to date. And, her whispery emotional delivery never fails to stir my own memories of how many times I have felt like this. Surprising, coming from someone of my age, but the dreamer in me never dies. Somewhere, I'm still waiting for the white horse...at just the right time. So sue me.

Draggin'

2009-01-15T13:23:00.003-05:00

The week is just dragging by! I woke up this morning thinking it should DEFINITELY be Saturday by now, or at least Friday. Alas, nooooo.

Still, as the perpetual soundtrack of my life is always playing in my head, this brings to mind the fabulous Stevie Nicks/Tom Petty Collaboration:

written by t. petty, m. campbell
- duet recorded with Tom Petty
- appears on Bella Donna (1981); Timespace - The Best of Stevie Nicks (1991);

Baby you'll come knocking on
my front door
Same old line you used to use before
I said ya...well...
what am I supposed to do
I didn't know what I was getting into

So you've had a little trouble in town
Now you're keeping some demon down
Stop draggin' my...
Stop draggin' my...
Stop draggin' my heart around

It's hard to think about
what you've wanted
It's hard to think about what you've lost
This doesn't have to be the big get even
This doesn't have to be anything at all

I know you really want to
tell me good-bye
I know you really want to
be your own girl

Baby you could never look me in the eye
Yeah you buckle with the weight
of the words
Stop draggin' my...
Stop draggin' my...
Stop draggin' my heart around

There's people running 'round loose
in the world
Ain't got nothing better to do
Than make a meal of some
bright eyed kid
You need someone looking after you

I know you really want to
tell me good-bye
I know you really want to
be your own girl

Baby you could never look me in the eye
Yeah you buckle with the weight
of the words
Stop draggin' my...
Stop draggin' my...
Stop draggin' my heart around

Surreal

2009-01-14T09:04:00.003-05:00

I must say, yesterday got even stranger. The T-Mobile drama was eventually settled, and my service restored, thank goodness. However, an unexpected deduction from my checking account caused an overdraft, and one of my checks is still late in arriving. My 22 year old bird, Tiny, went into heart failure last night, and I was certain she was in her last hours, but she rallied and is wide awake this morning and eating and drinking normally. My miracle bird. Had several conversations with friends, good and bad. Many people I speak to seem to be in some kind of personal upheaval or crisis, and I'm not sure if there is some kind of magnetic pull from the full moon the other night, or Mercury retrograde effect at play here.

As always, though, things shall unfold as they are meant to, and I slept deeply and without any anxiety-awakenings for the first time in several nights.

Today must be fully devoted to work. I need to accomplish something real before end of week.

Post Script

2009-01-13T12:25:00.002-05:00

As the post script to yesterday, this morning, T-Mobile cut off my service. When I attempted to call and speak to a human person, the recording said "I'm sorry, I can't connect you with a representative until you take care of this past due balance. Would you like to take care of that NOW?". "NOOOOOO!", I screamed. I think at that point, my head started spinning in circles, spewing green goo, Linda Blair-style. Things were not pretty here this morning.

Back to work now, lalala.

More Customer Service Fun

2009-01-12T09:13:00.003-05:00

I had to call T-Mobile, again, because the damn $288.11 is STILL appearing on my account. This was the charge for the G1 phone that never arrived. Well, the box arrived, but it was completely empty, except for the booklets. No charger, no headphones, no phone. As I explained to the lovely woman on the phone today, I refuse to pay for a phone I didn't receive! Bollocks on the fact that they originally wanted me to pay it and then the onus was on me to prove I never got the phone (well, howzabout the fact that I never ACTIVATED it? That my SIM card was never used in the phone? Geez, get a clue). This has been going on since October, and frankly, I am a little peeved. And...every month, some nice person at T-Mobile tells me that it will be taken care of within 72 hours. And, it never is. We'll see if this one is any different.

Maybe not the nicest way to start Monday morning, but it definitely got my energy flowing in an assertive direction. Probably a good thing, since I am a slow starter in the AM.

Cats are being super finicky, which is annoying when I don't have much money. I opened three cans this morning, and neither one was impressed (mind you, these are foods they usually will eat). So I told them that was it, take it or leave it. Taylor started crunching on some dry food, and Magic went to sleep in the bathroom sink. Lovely.

Happy Monday, all.

Just For Fun - Which Tarot Card are You?

2009-01-09T08:15:00.001-05:00

This fun test comes to you courtesy of two blogs I read: Hurricane Art, and Confessions of a Music Junkie. Enjoy!

You are The Star

Hope, expectation, Bright promises.

The Star is one of the great cards of faith, dreams realised

The Star is a card that looks to the future. It does not predict any immediate or powerful change, but it does predict hope and healing. This card suggests clarity of vision, spiritual insight. And, most importantly, that unexpected help will be coming, with water to quench your thirst, with a guiding light to the future. They might say you're a dreamer, but you're not the only one.

What Tarot Card are You?
Take the Test to Find Out.

I giggle over stupid things

2009-01-08T13:51:00.003-05:00

Facts about me (well-known and unknown)

- There is a certain point of uncontrollable laughter I reach, where I simply cannot stop. In the past, this has proven troublesome in church or in business meetings. There are three people who can definitely make this happen, and you know who you are ( hint: Peter, Robert and Maureen).

- I live and work in utter chaos. I do get fed up with it about once per quarter and get completely organized, but it lasts about 3-4 days, tops.

- My weight is a constant, omnipresent battle, and has always been. I hate it.

- Other than that, I'm pretty happy with the genetics I was handed.

- I am pretty much a walking contradiction. Anyone who knows me will attest to this.

- I work hard, am diligent and tenacious, but I don't ever really feel like I've done enough. It's a quality that employers love, but isn't always so good for my stress levels.

- "If there was no music, I would not get through"..thanks to Shawn Colvin for summing that up for me.

- I am truly blessed with the people (human, feline and avian) in my life, and am ever grateful for all of them.

torch out.

Shakin' Up The Sadness

2009-01-06T17:16:00.002-05:00

It's got me today, the sadness. I don't understand it. Never did, maybe never will. It seems to have a life of its own.

Therefore, I will now attempt to shake it up and out.

Hmmm. YouTube Videos. Maybe there's a new Mean Kitty video. Let's check.

Ah, yes. This is working.

Lalalalala. Little smile.

Peace out.

The Song That Started it All

2009-01-05T10:14:00.002-05:00

This is the song that turned me into a Sugarland fan and got me writing again. Prior to this, I had little or no interest in Country music...with the exception of the occasional Keith Urban or Faith Hill song. But the minute I heard Baby Girl, the universe spoke. This song can still bring a tear to my eye, and that's saying something!

Those that can, do. Those that can't, b!#@h about it.

2009-01-04T09:20:00.003-05:00

Blogging. I blog, obviously...and in more than one place. I am also an avid reader of blogs. I don't have a lot of time to read books these days, so reading well-written blogs gives me that slice of life and alternate perspective that I'm not getting elsewhere.

Opponents of blogging, on the other hand, think that blog authors are a sick combination of exhibitionists and narcissists - and that blog readers are all stalker/voyeurs.

Where is the truth? As with everything, it probably lies somewhere in the middle. I am sure that some bloggers simply like to talk about themselves, and that some readers are stalkers, but in general, I think that the blogosphere has enriched us. I definitely feel a mental stimulus when reading certain blogs (see my list to the right) and I learn new things about my friends and colleagues every day. My blog time is learning time. And on the flip side of that, my own blogging helps me to become a more disciplined and focused writer.

So, draw your own conclusions, dear friends and readers. I will continue to blog, and to read blogs, as long as there is a place to read and post them.

Good Sunday -
lis

Shameless Self-Promotion

2009-01-03T08:53:00.004-05:00

So January is here, and it doesn't look like the economy (or my income) is going to bounce back as quickly as I had envisioned, so I am committing to writing (and to the blogosphere) my projects to bring in ASO (alternate streams of income).

1. My new PRexpress service. This is a "junior" service for smaller businesses that would like a kick-start to their branding and visibility, but can't afford monthly retainers of $1000 or more. $450 includes the following:

:: a step-by-step, customized plan to implement your own Public Relations program in-house.
:: a professionally-crafted press release distributed to over 90 national outlets
:: improved search-engine visibility
:: professional pitch to the top 10 media outlets in region
:: review of marketing materials and website for optimal visibility. complimentary rewrite of web home page or brochure copy to improve brand recognition.

Any business can benefit from this service - please tell everyone you know.
www.dfmpr.com

2. Selling AVON products. I have a website - if you need Avon products, please order them from my site at http://YourAvon.com/ltorch. Depending upon the campaign and how much you order, shipping is free (or at most, $5). Alternatively, if you are looking for a fun way to boost your own income, talk to me about starting your own AVON business. It only costs $10 to get in, and you don't need to carry inventory.

3. I'm continuing to place my songs with licensing libraries. Let's hope for a big placement in 09.

4. Freelance writing - I write search-engine optimized marketing copy for websites. If you know of a need - please send them my way.

Wishing everyone who reads this a Peaceful, Prosperous and Healthy new year.

lis

The Pig That Fell

2008-12-31T20:14:00.008-05:00

It's no secret that I was once a "baby bunhead". For those unfamiliar with the term, that is a slightly pejorative expression used to refer to students of the School of American Ballet, or SAB, in New York City. We all had the same look...hair sleeked back into a bun, or worn long and straight when outside of class. Giant canvas or leather dance bag hanging off one shoulder. And the dancer gait - a slight glide and bounce, with the toes pointed outward. We infiltrated the Lincoln Center area like a strange alien race - similar to humans, yet with qualities more befitting thoroughbred horses or exotic birds. Trained to be the elite, we wore the bunhead badge proudly.

Every student at SAB had the same dream - to be invited to join New York City Ballet. George Balanchine was a genius choreographer, and we felt the calling, almost from birth, to dance his ballets. When "Mr. B." elected to choreograph a ballet for a special performance at Juilliard, using my class, it was a thrill and an honor. Working with the man for a few short weeks, I knew I wanted to do nothing but dance in his ballets. He would look you up and down, take your hand, and come up with steps that fit your body and ability, and the music, perfectly and exquisitely. Oh, I was in heaven.

That winter, I was one of about 25 SAB students invited to dance onstage with the company itself - in Balanchine's signature piece, Don Quixote. Me, onstage at the New York State Theater. The dream was beginning. In quintessential Mr. B. style, a sense of humor was involved. His initiation for the junior people was to cast us as "pigs" and "penitents". I was cast as both. The costume was essentially the same for both - a massive black robe. However, for the pig scene, we each donned a giant plastic pig head, with eyeholes. The entire part consisted of a huge mass of pigs, male and female, prancing across from stage left to stage right, sideways, while facing forward into the audience.

Night after night, the scene got huge chuckles from the usually staid audience. However, on the fifth night of performances, something altogether different transpired.

We pigs huddled in the wings, awaiting our musical cue. 4-3-2-1 and we're off. Prance, prance, prance, prance...wow, I'm center stage! My right foot hits something next to me, and suddenly, I am FLYING through the air sideways. And, THUD. I land on my right hip. Fortunately, the pig head stayed on. The audience was screaming with hysteria. I managed to gingerly finish prancing to the other side of the stage and finally, I was in the wings again.

Whispers were everywhere. "Which pig fell?" "I think it was TWO pigs". "Oh, my, who were they?" "Did Mr. B see?" "Mr. B sees EVERYTHING!".

I removed my pig head and skulked quietly to the dressing room, whispering with everyone else. Nobody knew...my secret was safe!

A couple of days later, the contusion on my hip was rather black and blue, but people seemed to forget. If someone asked, I just said that I slipped on the ice, of which there was plenty that winter.

I held onto that secret for almost ten years before I told anybody! Yes, Virginia, I was THE PIG THAT FELL.

I never did join New York City Ballet. I left the school that spring to join Pacific Northwest Ballet (which had a Balanchine repertoire), and later the Eliot Feld Ballet, until an injury cut my career short at 19. But I will never forget my City Ballet debut.

And now, perhaps, you won't either.

My Little Pony

2008-12-30T15:16:00.004-05:00

My bird, Snowy a/k/a "Pony" passed away quietly in my hands last night. I will miss him terribly, he was the sweetest, most gentle soul on the planet. He carved this heart shape out of the box just for me!!

Anxiety Girl

2008-12-28T12:12:00.003-05:00

I am consumed with anxiety today. Over going back to work. Over the state of my bank account. Over the state of my prospects for improving my bank account. Over my two ailing cockatiels. Over the pounds I have gained over the holidays. Over it being Al's birthday and his not really enjoying anything.

I watched "A Walk to Remember" this morning and cried my eyes out. Heck, I almost cried during the end of "Clueless". I'd probably cry over "Austin Powers", given the opportunity. What a mess.

I am getting on the treadclimber and working up a serious sweat. That usually seems to help.

You know you love me,
xoxo
anxiety girl

This post will self-destruct in...

2008-12-28T00:24:00.002-05:00

A few thoughts on self-destructiveness. I think I've been slowly self-destructing since about Thanksgiving. Not in any really harmful way...just eating too much junk food and sugar, not working out, and spending too much time on Facebook...that sort of thing. I guess that's what the holiday season is about for most people, but it's starting to really bother me, so I guess it is time to nip it in the bud. My taquito craving will have to go unheeded for now.

It's been Al's birthday for 27 minutes....Happy Birthday Aly!!!

Later.

So I Didn't...

2008-12-27T08:54:00.005-05:00

...walk away. I didn't even address it. I chalked it up to my ephemeral nature and called it a day. Besides, people need me, damn it! .

Maria's car was stolen on Christmas Day. Rather, the dude who was staying at her house "borrowed" it. He then disappeared, not to be heard from again. The next call she got was from a lawyer friend of the dude, saying that two girls they knew had been in a SERIOUS accident. Didn't know whether or not it was in Maria's car. What a freakin' nightmare!!!

Tomorrow is Alan's birthday and I am plotting something. We shall see if I can pull it off.

My vacation week is officially over. I have to start thinking about doing reports and so forth - and my brain is still a little mushy from all of the food and relaxation this week. I am hoping that some good workouts will pump me up for my A-game again. Stay tuned...

Heard (briefly) from Boz yesterday, who plans to be in Austin for New Years. Hope we can get some press interested in the Green Man's arrival (I fear that Houston was just too big a market, but Austin, with its more artistic nature, just might be more receptive).

And off we go to save the day....LOL.

Listening to: nothing puts me in a good mood like my Johnny Goo:

I think I'm done...

2008-12-26T11:35:00.008-05:00

It's funny, I was always able to end friendships and relationships that weren't working for me. As I get older, it becomes harder to do that, as I realize that some friends are worth holding on to, even if the relationship is not "equal" or "perfect"...in that both parties contribute equally. However, lately, I seem to be attracting very unequal relationships again, and I'm not sure if it is because I have an insecure need to always be giving, or if my thought processes are somehow flawed and I keep manifesting the same relationships over and over. Whatever the reasons, I am a little bit tired of being taken for granted. I am not really sure how to even broach the subject. Lately I am thinking it might be better to simply walk away before I allow myself to feel hurt again. I am, simply, worth more than that.

Listening to: Beyonce - "If I Were a Boy". Watch the video here - it's powerful:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3811N79n_R4

Christmas Day

2008-12-25T09:25:00.003-05:00

This Christmas is so low key, it almost doesn't feel like a holiday. Well, except for the amount of food that I've prepared. Last night was a semi-traditional Italian cold antipasto plate with lots of veggies and fresh mozzarella and really good bread. And the obligatory Silk eggnog...which contained neither eggs nor dairy, so I didn't feel so guilty about adding a bit of alcohol. It was mighty tasty. It may seem like a contradiction in terms that I would use soy eggnog while eating all that rich food, but you pick and choose your battles.

The cats were enjoying just sitting around with us soaking up the lazy vibe. Magic, who loves the rain, must have gone in and out the door 6 times, always to return soaked. He loves to be dried off and fluffed up. So cute. Taylor is gradually becoming our cat, but he's still a bit skittish at times. Still, he's a really well behaved boy.

Al is in pretty good spirits. I'm making the "big" meal today...a giant vat of meat sauce with Ziti. We have three different desserts...Tiramisu, Cannolli and Opera Cake. I am going to need to spend the next three months in the gym.

The photo is of the breakfast I made this morning...complete with a Mango Bellini. Yums.

Wishing you all a fabulous Christmas and New Year...

xoxo

I wish I had a river....

2008-12-22T16:56:00.001-05:00

It's Been Awhile...

2008-12-21T13:42:00.002-05:00

Since it's even occurred to me to post on this blog. To quote one of my favorite songs written by John Rzeznik - "The world gets in the way". I've allowed the world to get in the way for quite a few months, now.

What's been going on the last few months? Various emotional upheavals. Financial stress. Losing clients, signing clients. Finding alternative streams of income. Too many details to list right now - but suffice it to say it's been busy. Some highlights -

:: My song "Love is a State of Mind" was just licensed by a producer, info to follow.

:: I performed at open mic night at Eddie's Attic and I didn't completely freak out.

:: Went to the opening night gala of Atlanta Ballet's "The Nutcracker" with James, John and Brenda. A fabulous night, although freezing.

:: Wrote two of the best songs I think I've ever written.

:: Helped Boz get his "Bicycle Across America" trip launched, and he's already in Louisiana. My relentless PR landed him on the Baton Rouge evening news:
http://www.nbc33tv.com/home/video/36407994.html

:: Have my first paid vacation in 8 years to look forward to this week!

So, I guess it's been eventful, and I am practicing gratitude for all of those experiences.

More later.

a haiku ode to cat

2008-10-22T20:24:00.003-04:00

he silently stalks
i feign dismay but he knows
cat will always win

changed

2008-10-22T18:20:00.004-04:00

the thrill of the chase - there with a grin
daring me
drawing me in
and watching as i fell
does it amuse?

such strength
and such weakness
created the spells
that pulled us under

the very storm that rages in me
dances playfully in the sea of your soul
but never again makes landfall

i laugh i cry
nothing really changes?
but here i stand - still and silent
forever changed.

again

2008-10-07T18:23:00.001-04:00

i fight sleep like a ninja
silently, stealthily as it tries to wash over me
and then i attack
brandishing swords and stars
dazzling it with my many moves and sharp tongue
until i choose to surrender
and succumb to the wave
allowing the dream state to enjoy its brief victory
for nearly one-third of the earth's rotation
until the first glints of sunrise hit my slumbering eyes
again

in love tonight

2008-10-06T03:00:00.000-04:00

sweet dreams, laces unfolding
lost time, i'll make your heart sing
love is too uncertain
but the past is behind
in secrets you will find

well i think that i could fall in love tonight

cast out from darkness and hard times
take me through there, hear the wind chimes
wild in the wind, your shadow before me
but your love is too uncertain
and the past is behind me

in secrets you will find

i think that i could fall in love tonight

and i'm never ever going to be the same
i don't know enough to come in from the rain

and then it pours

you can seem so unyielding
but then i take a stand
is my heart deceiving?
wild in the wind, your shadow before me
but your love is too uncertain and the past is behind me

but if you should change your mind

well i think that i could fall in love tonight.

New Sarah Video

2008-09-10T12:14:00.006-04:00

Watch the new Sarah McLachlan Video here:

http://www.amazon.com/gp/mpd/permalink/m3ONW60RPIVQ9Z

Love it!!!

LHC Rap

2008-09-10T10:41:00.001-04:00

So, the earth didn't fall into a giant black hole last night, or collapse upon itself, like the LHC doomsday soothsayers predicted. Still, the Large Hadron Collider has inspired a plethora of goodies like this one. Too funny. Finally, a rap song for us geeks.

New Blog Post from Cassidy

2008-09-03T14:30:00.001-04:00

This really brought back memories of Septembers in the Village....

http://blog.akacassidy.com/

xo
~Lis~

So What?

2008-09-01T12:08:00.001-04:00

Artist Site

You're The Boss, Applesauce

2008-08-31T13:27:00.003-04:00

I've always had a fascination for Andy Warhol and the people he surrounded himself with. In a bizarre dream I once had, I envisioned myself as the reincarnation of Edie Sedgwick.

I finally saw the film "Factory Girl", and was blown away. Very interesting to learn that Edie fashioned herself and her style after a poster of Audrey Hepburn as Holly Golightly in "Breakfast at Tiffanys". I had done the same thing in my youth.

While a completely tragic figure who died at the age of 28, Edie was still transcendant and quite unforgettable. Sienna Miller portrayed her brilliantly. It's a difficult film to watch, in some regards, since her decline was so rapid and so heartbreaking. But I still recommend the film to anyone who has an interest in the era.

Reasons to Celebrate Friday 8/29

2008-08-29T07:33:00.002-04:00

Lalalalala. I always do carry on a lot, don't I? In any event, here are my reasons to celebrate the past week. It's all good.

- work stuff was relatively productive and fun with a minimum of frustration.
- wrote some new lyrics that I'm pleased with
- made some new friends
- booked an open-mic slot at Eddie's Attic
- talked to a lot of friends and family
- got some much needed rain in ATL
- decided to take an acting class
- money issues still there, but my bills are paid
- faced some fears - and survived unscathed
- it's a LONG weekend!

How was your week? Let's hear...

wishing you love, light and maybe a cupcake or two.
~lis~

Cool Blog Post

2008-08-28T15:08:00.002-04:00

[From LT myspace blog]

Matt Nathanson Blog
Category: Music

OK. I can hear you now. "Enough with the Matt Nathanson stuff, already". Sorry. When I get intrigued by someone, that's me. I take the words of my "people obsessions" and I devour them hungrily - looking for some common ground - some little glimmer of relatability, or a massive revelation of enlightenment - like a lightning bolt. It's how I get inspired and it's how I learn. So sue me.

This blog from Matt hit home to me as an artist. This is an excerpt from his blog where he describes Paul Simon's "Graceland" album as a work of pure genius that always humbles him. Source: www.mattnathanson.com

there are rare moments when i feel confident in my job...
as a songwriter, as a singer, as a musician.
true, pure confidence.
and it is super empowering.
and it always leads to writing more songs.
there is this rad momentum that goes along with true
confidence that you can't get any other place.
it doesn't last, but if you stay out of it's way long enough...
that's where the songs come from.
that's where you allow yourself to just ride creativity
...and really cool shit happens.

the flip side to this, unfortunately, is more common...
being insecure, being scared, and feeling entitled.
seeing success in others, ignoring all the good shit you have
and getting pissed because you feel like you deserve more.
that's my default setting.
it takes a lot to see that this thinking is a dead end,
and even when i do, it doesn't stop the thoughts from coming.
but this is all pretty human stuff.
everybody goes through this in one way or another.
what i am telling you is not a revelation.

Thanks, Matt. I get it. So much.

you're gonna find out

2008-08-27T11:25:00.003-04:00

your mind's like a spinning wheel
never finding what you're looking for
got to slow down a little bit
let yourself outside your door
a life so amazing
when you see it through a child's eye
it's only then you begin to see
and it's only then you begin to fly

you're gonna find out
love and "in love" ain't the same thing
you're gonna find out
the truth ain't always kind
you're gonna find out
holdin' on too tight will let it slip away
you've got to just breathe and let love find a way

in the laws of the universe
they say that all is one
but sometimes it feels as though
you're in it all alone
no one said it's easy
but the journey is worth the price
when you find that certain light
where you create your truth
and design your life

you're gonna find out
people don't always mean what they say
you're gonna find out
being smart ain't being wise
you're gonna find out
holdin' on too tight will let it slip away
you've got to just breathe and let love find a way

written by l. torch and j. boswell

Pink Skies and Rainbows

2008-08-26T20:31:00.004-04:00

drivin' around...

The Deluge

2008-08-26T08:21:00.001-04:00

Well, so much for the drought.

"This I Know" Featured on Aspire2Music Pitch Page

2008-08-17T12:29:00.002-04:00

Great news..."This I Know" was chosen to be featured this month on Aspire2Music's pitch page! Visit http://www.myspace.com/aspire2music. Thanks to Anne Freeman for providing this very important service to artists and songwriters.

"The Aspire 2 Music Song Pitch Page: Where indie country songwriters and artists make music together."

love and light,

~lis~

Currently reading :
Botany, Ballet and Dinner from Scratch: A Memoir with Recipes
By Leda Meredith

The 1100

2008-08-15T09:34:00.001-04:00

[reposted from Myspace blog]

On Fridays, I have a ritual. I always find a reason to celebrate the past week.

Well, this has been a particularly bad couple of weeks. We lost my mother-in-law last week rather suddenly. It was a huge shock, and I loved her very much.

This week, similarly, my closest friend lost her stepmother, to whom she was also very close.

I also had a BIG financial problem this week, and a Mac Book Pro that I bought has been giving me complete fits.

So today, when I looked for my reason to celebrate the week, I turned to Myspace. I have 1100 friends today.

What more could a girl want? After all is said and done, I am surrounded by the best family and friends in the world. I am truly blessed, and I say that without a touch of sarcasm or irony.

Love and light to all,

xoxo
~lis~

Another Pic from the AFBRadio Show

2008-07-19T10:33:00.002-04:00

Arlan Gibson, DJ Indy (Me), Rachel Farley, Eric Tunison
Photo by Ron Jones (www.ronjones.org)

DJ Indy Live from Groove Tunes

2008-07-16T14:22:00.003-04:00

Well, I did my first live broadcast as "DJ Indy" from Groove Tunes Studios last night. We had an absolute blast...and once i got over the initial jitters over the technical stuff, I just got into the music. Arlan Gibson and Rachel Farley were just over-the-top brilliant - it was like having a private concert right there.

Serenity

2008-07-07T09:06:00.002-04:00

The woods facing the back of my townhome are a source of constant peace and tranquility for me. In the morning, when I do yoga, I open the blinds and the sun just pours in. This morning, the trees were covered with fine raindrops and the sun reflected magically off them...creating a wonderland of light and green.

This photo doesn't really do it justice, but I just had to share the feeling.

Namaste.

Conscious Creation and Manifesting

2008-06-25T17:24:00.002-04:00

For those of you who have read "The Secret", or "The Law of Attraction", you know the power of deliberate intent and conscious creation. Well, Enoch Tan has taken the techniques a step further, and I highly recommend his articles and E-books. Have a look around, get the free E-book, and let me know what y'all think!

http://mindreality.com/cb/?a=2XoSK512P&p=2

love and light,
xoxo
~L~

"Something New"

2008-06-21T14:12:00.001-04:00

Here's the new song...forgive the chord flub after chorus 1....

Cool News This Morning...

2008-06-16T12:04:00.001-04:00

Support the Troops, Buy a Download

2008-06-08T00:04:00.004-04:00

Sooooo....People have been asking for the version of "America The Beautiful" that I dedicated to the troops on AFB Radio this past Wednesday. Now you can download it from my Snocap store...and support AFB Radio and our troops! Note: members of the military...contact me at ltorch@gmail.com, and I will send you a free download.

xo
~lis~

Photos from the AFB Broadcast

2008-06-06T11:57:00.002-04:00

LT on AFB Radio Tomorrow!

2008-06-03T12:28:00.002-04:00

Hey everyone:

Just a reminder that I will be on AFB Radio tomorrow night (Wednesday, June 4) at 8 PM Eastern time! This is part of the Georgia-Country.com country music series.

You can listen online at www.afbradio.us.

Songs I'll be performing:

This I Know
A Real Piece o' Work (public debut of song co-written with Holly Olinger)
Over You (The Girl Who Fell )
Spellbound (public debut of song co-written with The Chief)
Shoulda Woulda Coulda
My own special version of "America The Beautiful"

You can send shout-outs by typing into the shout box online...hope you all can tune in!

xoxo

Lisa

More "Love It List" Items

2008-05-21T17:30:00.005-04:00

Here are more things for the "Love-It List" --

Sugarland - Their win at the ACM Awards for Song and Single of the year was well-deserved! And now, their brand-new video perfectly captures what will promise to be the big hit of the summer of 2008 - "All I Want To Do". Not since "John From Cincinnati" have I wanted to learn to surf, so badly!"

Check it out here!

Lotus Blossom Style is an eco-friendly clothing line for the whole family. All of their products are made from bamboo, organic cotton, or pima cotton through sweatshop-free and fair trade practices. They are inspired by the traditions of yoga and Tibetan Buddhism and aim to inspire environmental, social, and spiritual consciousness for a healthier and more enlightened future for ALL. I am a "Goddess Ambassador" for the company and am authorized to take wholesale orders - so contact me if interested!

www.lotusblossomstyle.com

Christian Audigier is simply the hottest casual-wear designer in Hollywood right now..and his Ed Hardy line is fun, colorful, and a real status symbol. To paraphrase Christian on how he promotes his line (this is not verbatim)...."I take my latest creation, package it up and send one to Heidi Klum, one to Jessica Alba, one to Britney Spears...and then I sit back and wait for it to happen".

Visit the Ed Hardy Myspace page here.

MORE TO COME!

B-Day!

2008-05-16T20:38:00.006-04:00

We went to the Georgia Aquarium today. I went with no expectations, as several of my friends were disappointed. Yes, it is pricey. Yes, everywhere you go is another place for you to spend money. Yes, EVERY elementary school in Georgia must have had their 3rd grade field trip there today. But still, some of it was awe-inspiring. The Beluga Whales were magnificent. But my favorite of all the fish was the Humphead Wrasse. He just looked so knowing, yet serene.

Next stop was the Buckhead Diner. May I say that the Creme Brulee was outstanding tonight?

Not to be missed...

2008-05-15T14:09:00.002-04:00

A few things coming up that you should definitely check out!

Lakewood Amphitheatre here in the ATL hosts Country Fair 2008 tomorrow and Saturday...shows include Luke Bryan, Miranda Lambert, The Lost Trailers, Dierks Bentley, Clay Walker, Travis Tritt, Jypsi and more!

The Academy of Country Music Awards. Sunday night at 8 PM EDT on CBS. Sugarland is up for best Duo again...hope they win!

Don't stay up too late after the awards show Sunday...you might want to wake up early on Monday for the Lenny Kravitz interview on CBS Early Show Monday, May 19th! Then catch Lenny performing LIVE FROM PARIS on CBS Early Show Concert Series Tuesday, May 20th.

The Girl Who Fell

2008-05-14T11:40:00.004-04:00

There is some serious significance to the title of this post. So much so, in fact, that if I ever do decide to release a CD singing my own songs, that will likely be the title.

It is a line in a new song I wrote called "Over You ". It's also a really long story about my debut with the New York City Ballet. I used to call the story "The Pig Who Fell - No...I Think It Was Two Pigs". This story is best saved for another time. But "falling"...whether in and out of love, whether physically falling down, or falling for someone's BS....I am really good at. So "The Girl Who Fell" is my new album title. It fits.

~Lis~

The Birthday Present

2008-05-12T10:15:00.010-04:00

So, Al treated me to an early birthday present.. a wonderful weekend at the Hilton Suites...here is my pictorial travelogue!

The Whirlpool Tub...waiting for me!

The French doors into the bedroom

Room service!

The living room

The view out the window of the indoor/outdoor pool

The "Love It" List, Continued.

2008-05-02T18:59:00.006-04:00

Here we go. More Things I Love Right Now:

Paramore. The kind of band I obsessed upon when I was 20. I am not 20 anymore, but they still make me want to jump around

Vera Wang Princess EDP

Lady Antebellum's New CD

Serendipity

2008-04-30T10:08:00.006-04:00

I often speak of the concept of serendipity...finding a surprise treasure when you are looking for something else!

This morning, serendipity brought me to Anna Nalick's myspace page. Anna had the hit song "Breathe (2 am)" in 2006, and has just completed an EP with the following song on it.

"Shine" at first, sounds a little like "Breathe, part 2". But then, this lyric just made me jump out of my seat in the realization that the song was speaking DIRECTLY to me....

"Isn't it time you got over
how fragile you are
We're all waiting, waiting on your supernova,
'cause that's who you are
You've only begun to shine...."

myspace.com/annanalick

I've had conversations with no fewer than 5 friends over the last few days who said pretty much those EXACT words to me. "We're just all waiting for you to jump out there and DO it". I don't think I completely grasped it until just this moment. I am scared, I am shaking, but it is time.

Hooooo boy. Thanks, Anna. Thanks, friends. I needed that.

The "Get Through It" Mentality

2008-04-25T09:45:00.003-04:00

Every once in awhile, I have to check my state of mind for what I call the "Get Through It" mentality. It seems I've been in one of those for a couple of weeks now.

Rather than looking forward to things, events, challenges, etc. - I start focusing on "well, when I get through THIS...I'll be back to normal". And "this" can be anything from a meeting, an event, a visit, a task, a project, a phone call....whatever.

So, my whole life becomes a series of things to "get through" rather than to experience or enjoy. It's horrible, really. I tend to get like this around the holidays in particular, and it's just not a good state of mind.

So -- herewith -- in honor of my revised thinking -- is my list of things to LOOK FORWARD TO AND BE HAPPY ABOUT!

-- my family's visit in May
-- another birthday!
-- a whole host of new work challenges that will be really rewarding when accomplished!
-- the AFB Radio show in June
-- having the opportunity to see more friends and family over the next few months
-- all sorts of new opportunities in TV and Film for my songs
-- more co-writing, and getting the chance to sing a bit
-- every day I get to spend with the "babies" - however annoying they can be, I realize that they are a gift!
-- the pool is opening this weekend!
-- the remarkable Spring foliage and colors - one of my favorite times in GA.
-- keeping my house looking as good as it does right now, LOL.

Well, on that happy note...I am off to vacuum something and then get to work. Wishing everyone a fabulous weekend!

xo
~lis~

Le Chat Noir, Paint and Spackle

2008-04-23T13:27:00.002-04:00

The semi-annual "inspections" at Glen Lake always get me in gear to clean up. After 9 years, my walls are in REALLY bad shape (Al and the birds contribute to that as well), and so I went to Home Depot and bought some paint, rollers, brushes and spackle.

My one wall turned out so good, I decided it needed some new artwork. So I took a vintage french poster that's been in its roll-mailer since Christmas, and framed it myself. It looks like Mag, and looks really good on my new wall. The painting went so well, I just might try to do a little more. I have lots of guests coming over the next few months, so it will be nicer for them, too.

Some new plants rounded out the room for a very serene effect.

Let's hope I can keep it that way for awhile!

xoxo
~lis~

Words

2008-04-16T12:43:00.000-04:00

So, here's the thing. Whenever you put yourself out there, in the public eye, you are subject to criticism. In the wake of the conference I spoke at this past weekend, there was some feedback I received after the fact along the lines of "well why haven't WE ever heard of you", and "why should we listen to YOU about songwriting?". That sort of thing. Rather than get defensive, I simply outlined my (very real) credentials and also explained that I've been kicking around in this business for nearly 40 years, with varying degrees of success. Take it or leave it.

What I'm getting to is that, prior September 2006, words like that would have just torn me apart. I would have become upset, angry, defensive, insulted, and just plain petulant. But I had an experience around that time that forever changed and strengthened me. I was involved in a war of words, of sorts, regarding a message board I was running for a band I follow. It got incredibly ugly, and my name and reputation were slammed on an almost daily basis. Ugly lies got told, things I said were completely misconstrued, and I cried all the time. But do you know what? There is almost nothing anyone can say to me today that will destroy me like that again. I truly grew and learned from that experience, and developed the tough skin I need to survive as a songwriter. So, for that, I wish to thank everyone involved in that process.

"At the end of the day, no matter what they say, they're only words".
~lisa torch: "words" ~

Wacky Wednesdays

2008-04-16T09:00:00.000-04:00

It's hard to believe we're at mid-week again! Time is simply flying by. Does this mean I am having fun? I'm not sure. Let's call it that, for argument's sake.

Hope everyone has a really good day, and I will post something pithy when I get less bogged down with stuff (like after this weekend, hopefully!)

'Til then, I leave you with this treasure from 1983:

Be good -
xoxo
~lis~

AFB Radio - Save The Date - June 4th

2008-04-13T18:13:00.000-04:00

Hey everyone! Save the date....

You can listen to me talk and play some of my tunes live on the Georgia-Country.com show on AFB Radio (www.afbradio.us) on Wednesday, June 4th - between 8 and 10 PM.

AFB Radio is broadcast worldwide to provide home-grown entertainment to our troops overseas. Please tune in on June 4th and send some shout-outs to our troops - and please help spread the word!

More info as the date gets closer -

xoxo
~L~

Georgia Country Music Seminar-Tomorrow!

2008-04-11T10:19:00.001-04:00

Come on out and hear me squeak (I mean, speak!!!)

This Week's Hot 100

2008-04-04T17:32:00.001-04:00

New Madonna Single

2008-04-04T16:58:00.001-04:00

This track is GUARANTEED to get you dancing. Loving it big time. Enjoy!

On The Subject of Fear

2008-04-03T14:44:00.000-04:00

Yesterday, as I was unloading my car, a neighbor of mine informed me that she was robbed at gunpoint two nights ago...as she was getting out of her car (just a few hundred feet from my door). She said that the apartment complex would not issue a memo or notice about it, because they didn't want widespread panic. So she was taking it upon herself to tell the neighbors.

As a woman who frequently comes home late at night, this was a real wake-up call for me. Last night, before I got out of the car, I called Alan and made sure he was watching me walk to the door. I practiced unlocking my Glock and made sure it was clean and ready to fire. I think I will go to the range this weekend.

This complex used to feel very safe. It no longer feels that way, and that makes me very sad.

Earth Hour 2008

2008-03-29T17:16:00.000-04:00

Videos and Text Courtesy of www.EarthHour.org

On March 29, 2008 at 8 p.m., join millions of people around the world in making a statement about climate change by turning off your lights for Earth Hour, an event created by the World Wildlife Fund.

Earth Hour was created by WWF in Sydney, Australia in 2007, and in one year has grown from an event in one city to a global movement. In 2008, millions of people, businesses, governments and civic organizations in nearly 200 cities around the globe will turn out for Earth Hour. More than 100 cities across North America will participate, including the US flagships–Atlanta, Chicago, Phoenix and San Francisco and Ottawa, Montreal, Toronto and Vancouver. View cities involved around the world.

We invite everyone throughout North America and around the world to turn off the lights for an hour starting at 8 p.m. (your own local time)–whether at home or at work, with friends and family or solo, in a big city or a small town.

What will you do when the lights are off? We have lots of ideas.

Join people all around the world in showing that you care about our planet and want to play a part in helping to fight climate change. Don’t forget to sign up and let us know you want to join Earth Hour.

One hour, America. Earth Hour. Turn out for Earth Hour!

My little Easter Peeps

2008-03-20T15:14:00.000-04:00

Cute in their little basket..

Crazy Magic

2008-03-16T22:51:00.000-04:00

Magic has this look. His eyes become black moons and his personality completely shifts from sweet kitty to insane kitty. Today I finally captured the look. Bear in mind he is STANDING UP in this photo with his paws on a chair back. Take a look at the claws.

Be very afraid!!!

An incredible songwriter story

2008-03-14T15:44:00.000-04:00

Thanks to Bad Girl's Lament for this link!!! An important lesson in staying open to any and all opportunities...you never know where your next big break will come from!

http://blogs.guardian.co.uk/music/2008/03/behind_the_music_how_duffy_sav.html

Left Lane Queen

2008-03-14T11:09:00.000-04:00

Oh, back about a year ago, Holly and I started collaborating on some lyrics that were all about drivin' fast, drinkin' shots of JD and generally raisin' some hell. Well, the other day, in a fit of road rage, I completed a couple more verses. Herewith...the finished masterpiece! Can't wait to demo this one.

Piece O' Work
by Holly Olinger and Lisa Torch

I'll have a hissy fit if I don't get my way
And I'm rarely seen by the light of day
I drink JD and I can scream and yell
And yep, I'm bound to kiss and tell

I'm quick to a temper
I'm the Left Lane Queen
I'm a real piece o' work, if you know what I mean

My baby likes me just the way that I am
But wouldn't be surprised if I bolted and ran
Well I sure ain't easy and I ain't no prize
Got nothin to prove, I don't need alibis

I'm quick to a temper
I'm the Left Lane Queen
I'm a real piece o' work, if you know what I mean

It's my way or the highway
I like my control
And nothin tastes better than grillin' on charcoal
Got beers in the cooler, Jack in the back
Shooters all around and then I'm on the attack

I'm quick to a temper
I'm the Left Lane Queen
I'm a real piece o' work, if you know what I mean

Oh I can be sweet
A real angel from heaven
Once I get what I want and it's a quarter past eleven
I'm better at midnight - at one AM I'm a dream
But when you cut off my tab I just might get mean

Speed limit says 60
and I'm doin 95
With my radar detector
It's good to be alive

I'm quick to a temper
I'm the Left Lane Queen
I'm a real piece o' work, if you know what I mean

Georgia Country Music Seminar

2008-03-14T11:06:00.001-04:00

Here's a quick "Save The Date"..I'll be a guest speaker at the Georgia Country Music Seminar on April 12th at the Wild West Bar & Grill in Canton, GA. Stay tuned for time and more details.